Late-Night Comics Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Late-night's top hosts spent their airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched immigration initiative, called the "gold card," portraying it as a clear pay-to-play arrangement for the rich.

Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical holiday jingle about the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... ruins everything he touches."

The subject was the new program which permits overseas nationals to acquire U.S. residence for the price of a million dollars, with a "premium" tier for 5 million. The program's portal pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief thought for you to wealthy foreigners: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, involving significant payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choice – as long as it's the that one hotel," he added.

"Unprecedented screening the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit affluent overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"It might be time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Struggles

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll numbers amid economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to tackle prices, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a selection of grocery items, and reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative news coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he remarked.